Relationships A to Z

relationships, alphabet

This is a shortened version of the full list which can be downloaded as a PDF: The ABCs of Healthy Relationships. Is it really as easy as ABC? Good relationships don’t just happen, they take attention, maturity and a willingness to learn and grow. Relationships are the ultimate mirrors, so it’s never all about the other person, but about what they may be reflecting to you, from within you. And you can choose what you reflect, especially if what you’re seeing is not what you think you want to see. As you read through the list, consider if you embody the things you’d most like in a partner, and if not, is it fair to expect them to meet those needs in you? Consider whether Continue reading Relationships A to Z

How to Untangle Attachments

* Also see the post entitled ‘Defining Attachment,’ which explores varying levels of attachment, including enmeshment and entanglement * Releasing attachments to old experiences can be challenging. Especially so when they’ve left you feeling hurt, betrayed or otherwise unsettled. Perhaps you felt like you built your life around the thing, person or situation that’s no longer in your life, and the attachment is the only residual tie to the deep love you experienced. It’s as if the loyalty to your pain is a distorted way of expressing the love you felt. (This brings to mind the song ‘Landslide‘ by Fleetwood Mac). This goes deeper than simply missing someone, which is a fleeting feeling of nostalgia which arises and leaves you with a sense of warmth Continue reading How to Untangle Attachments

Defining Attachment

Varying levels and forms of attachment differ by degree of emotional investment. There is bonding, a natural and healthy form of attachment, which usually begins with the bond between parents and children. Then there is attachment, a more complex connection between a person and a situation or another person. This can be both healthy and unhealthy depending on the emotional investment. There’s also entanglement, or enmeshment, which happens in dysfunctional and abusive relationships, those rooted in trauma bonding structures. It’s natural to become attached to people, things and situations that have become a part of your life in some way. We all have the need for emotional connections and the desire to feel supported and seen. The challenge begins when the attachments become unhealthy; for Continue reading Defining Attachment

Building Healthier Relationships

What does the word ‘relationship’ really mean? You’re connected to everyone and everything; in other words, you’re in relationship with everything in existence. The world is a mirror, into which you look and observe yourself experiencing. Fun, eh? Breaking this concept down, whoever comes into your life is an expression of some aspect of yourself. Every meeting (re)presents an opportunity for growth and expansion. The key to healthier relationships with others is to get clear on your own patterning. The reason you may be attracted to toxic or unhealthy situations is because they’re in some way familiar, and feel comfortable (even while they also feel very wrong). The familiarity can be extremely subtle, so unless you can look honestly and consciously at the root of Continue reading Building Healthier Relationships

The Fallacy of Good Enough

self-responsibility, empaths

Instead of trying to define yourself by standards of NOT good enough, doesn’t it make sense to first know what good enough is? That is, if it even exists… There isn’t an external measure in existence that can tell you this – only you know. And ultimately, existence is perfection in and of itself. There is no other measure necessary. As a young person beginning to find your way in the world, you no doubt came across many possible versions of good enough. Standardized tests in schools; advertising showing you how to be more beautiful or powerful (who decides what that means?); how to be a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman;’ toys, clothes and other things delineated by gender and age appropriateness; any and Continue reading The Fallacy of Good Enough