Instead of trying to define yourself by standards of NOT good enough, doesn’t it make sense to first know what good enough is? That is, if it even exists…
There isn’t an external measure in existence that can tell you this – only you know. And ultimately, existence is perfection in and of itself. There is no other measure necessary.
As a young person beginning to find your way in the world, you no doubt came across many possible versions of good enough.
Standardized tests in schools; advertising showing you how to be more beautiful or powerful (who decides what that means?); how to be a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman;’ toys, clothes and other things delineated by gender and age appropriateness; any and all of these things send subtle messages about how you add up (or not) to some invisible, unknown standard of measure.
Striving to be good enough is a distraction, built on foundations of the distorted patriarchal structures of competition and power over.
Good enough is not somewhere to get to; it is something you already are. The only evidence you need of this is that you exist.
Start wherever you are (which is good enough) and if you feel you want to go for something because it lights up your heart and all your chakras, go for it. This is what I call full-body resonance – all your energetic bodies, all lit up at once.
Once you reach your goal, feel into it – ask yourself if you want to take this experience further, because the excitement of doing so is overwhelming, or if you’d like to stop (good enough). If you stop, try the next thing that lights you up, and soon you’ll discover that you’ve added an array of cool experiences and skills to your repertoire that contribute to increased confidence and self-acceptance.
Good enough is always an internal measure. If you find you need more challenges at work or a variety of tasks to complete in a day, you could ask if the work you’re doing is a good (enough) match for your current level of expansion. If not, ask to be shown more resonant situations and experiences. Apply for promotions that come up, make a lateral move, or see how you could inject more joy into your work. Employers will always expect certain standards or criteria, and only you can decide if you want to meet them. If not, the situation is not a good fit. Resonance begins with you.
In relationships it can feel trickier. One key is not to hold others responsible for your feelings of well-being or connection, and to honour and attend to your own needs. That said, it can be fun and exciting to share your life and space with others, and intimate relationships hold opportunities for enormous personal growth. They are some of the best testing grounds for ‘good enough’ you can have.
Take a moment to examine the relationships you’ve attracted, and ask why some of them are no longer present. Is there a theme or pattern that emerges? Were you holding your partner to certain standards of ‘good enough’ in any area of your life? Did you feel you weren’t in some way meeting their unspoken expectations?
Whatever patterns you’ve engaged in reflect things in you asking to be addressed. Often they’ll point you directly towards underlying attachments to the pernicious (not) good enough myth. You don’t have to relive your deepest, darkest pain and trauma; something in you is feeling resistance to allowing yourself to be good enough just as you are.
Your heart is the only gauge you need to measure what good enough means to you. If you feel discordance when you’re being offered an opportunity (be it for love, work or otherwise), listen to that. (Red flags, anyone?) Trust that these situations or experiences aren’t a match for your current vibrational state. There is a good enough (and more) for each and every one of us. Whatever you reject (or whatever rejects you) is someone else’s perfect. That’s the beauty of life. You’ll rapidly discover that the whole Universe is conspiring in your favour to bring you only what makes your heart sing.
Always begin from the knowledge that you are good enough, exactly where and as you are. Then, listen to the resonance of your heart. This is where magic is born.
* I am the author of this post. You may find the original version, which was used with my permission without attribution, on Your Earth Angel (yourearthangel.com) *